Three Darwin Awards in one day?

[flatandy]

This winter was the first time I’ve filled a jerry can and the first time I’ve chopped down a (very small) tree. I feel so much more manly than before.

They have turned the pipeline back on today, too, so all the freaking out appears to have been completely daft. What everyone in the US should be doing, though, is mentally preparing for later in the summer when there will almost certainly be some gas shortages as everyone is desperate to take a holiday (once the kids are out of school) but lots of people are still a little wary of planes and public transport and plane schedules aren’t fully back to normal yet, so huge numbers of people - even more than normal - will be taking road trips.

[rick49]

"Paltrow's Vagina-Scented Candle Explodes"

"The $75 candle, sold by Paltrow’s company “Goop”, comes with a warning:"

"WARNING: BURN CANDLE WITHIN SIGHT. KEEP AWAY FROM THINGS THAT CATCH FIRE. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN AND PETS. TRIM WICK TO 1/8” BEFORE EVERY LIGHTING. PLACE ON A STABLE, HEAT RESISTANT SURFACE. KEEP WAX POOL FREE OF DEBRIS. DO NOT BURN FOR MORE THAN TWO HOURS AT A TIME. ALLOW GLASS TO COOL COMPLETELY BEFORE HANDLING."

"Watson, who let the candle burn for three hours, believes the warning is “insufficient” and is starting a class-action lawsuit, claiming breach of warranty and product liability. He is seeking more than $5 million dollars. He claims the candle became engulfed in flames and exploded, filling the room with Gwyn-smoke."

"The candle is currently sold out, but Goop offers a waiting list so you can trick your neighbors into thinking Gwyneth Paltrow is your booty call. If you can’t wait for the candle, you can order Paltrow’s roll-on perfume, “This Smells Like My Vagina.” If you’re a REAL man you’ll opt for Gwyn “Megalomaniac” Paltrow’s ultimate scent: “This Smells Like My Orgasm.”

pjmedia.com/news-and-politics/kevindowneyjr/2021/05/19/paltrows-vagina-scented-candle-explodes-scaring-texas-man-impressing-neighbors-n1448067

[Marshall]

What a self-absorbed bint. No wonder she and Chris Martin had a "conscious uncoupling" as she put it.

(I always thought a conscious uncoupling is what you and the wife do when the kids walk in on you.)

[voice]

She's the crankiest of cranks.

[hammerhead]

Missing man found dead inside Spanish dinosaur statue

"Police in Catalonia are investigating the death of a man who is thought to have become trapped inside a large dinosaur statue while trying to retrieve his mobile phone."

[voice]

How the f**k do you drop your phone inside a dinosaur?

[hammerhead]

Perhaps he wanted to get a photo of what the inside of a dinosaur looks like?

[mids]

Deadplodocus. Dieceratops.

[perrykneeham]

Pront-a-saurus.

[perrykneeham]

Cheesiosaurus.

[mids]

Triceracorpse.

[hammerhead]

Begontosaurus

[mids]

Gone-dwanaland.

[voice]

Tyrannosaurus Text

[hammerhead]

Carkaeopteryx

Goodbyesaurus (a relative of Allosaurus)

[Marshall]

Very nearly a Darwin award winner here.

ftw.usatoday.com/2021/05/yellowstone-tourist-charged-by-grizzly-bear-subject-of-probe

Too bad for the bears, that would have been a good week's worth of food.

[mids]

I think the bear, understandably, was more scared than she was.

[mids]

Oh dear. Showboating.

"A daredevil has died after jumping off a 120ft cliff into the sea and accidentally landing in a tourist boat.



Fahd Ibrahim Jamil Al-Lakma leaped off the side of the Raouche Rocks in Beirut, Lebanon on Sunday.



The Syrian failed to hear the warning shouts from onlookers that there was a boat directly below him."

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9664567/Daredevil-dies-instantly-jumping-120ft-Beirut-cliff-tourist-boat-didnt-see.html

[voice]

Ooch

[perrykneeham]

Wait ... Beirut ... tourist? Really? Buggered if I would.