dwad
New Member
Posts: 1,146 
|
Post by dwad on Jan 21, 2009 14:42:50 GMT
I just think that some things (not threesomes) are universally wrong for everybody. Like shagging your children. ah and there we have the crux .So what you are really saying is that you have decided that it should be universally wrong for anyone to have sex on a first date . No, that is emphatically not what I have said at any point. I have said that desire first and alone is not the best reason for sex in any circumstances. Including first dates. That there are universal and individual boundaries that should come first, then desire second or third and sometimes your reason or the reason of the state should come before your desire. |
|
feral
New Member
Posts: 8,237
|
Post by feral on Jan 21, 2009 14:46:59 GMT
Oh and I'll just add as a parting shot before I do actually go and do some work that i also reject threesomes .Not out of fear of the risks but cos I much prefer one on one and the attention more focussed  |
|
dwad
New Member
Posts: 1,146
|
Post by dwad on Jan 21, 2009 14:49:22 GMT
Can you find a less sensational example to illustrate your point, because I'm not the only one struggling to comprehend it? (Not being snide)
Does 380 put it any more clearly? It's simply the concept that actually there are some universal reasoned boundaries around sex that we all (except feral) accept. That you also have personal boundaries that you accept (as I do, just different ones). And that in any given situation, if you are presented with the option of sex it is more in your interest to stick to your predetermined individual and universal guidelines than let them be superceded by desire. Desire is very much secondary.
So to use your example if somebody presented you with a threesome and you suddenly felt like it, it would be more in your interest to stick to your own boundaries than be led by a momentary impulse.
|
|
feral
New Member
Posts: 8,237
|
Post by feral on Jan 21, 2009 14:51:20 GMT
No, that is emphatically not what I have said at any point. I have said that desire first and alone is not the best reason for sex in any circumstances. Including first dates. That there are universal and individual boundaries that should come first, then desire second or third and sometimes your reason or the reason of the state should come before your desire.
Ah but you see that IS what you're saying, dwad .Take away all the frilly words and thats what it boils down to you as saying." Dont have sex on a first date because it could lead to whatever and the whatever it leads to could be morally wrong " Therefore sex on a first date is wrong
|
|
VikingHumpingWitch
New Member
"My philosophy in life is keep dry and keep away from children. I got it from a matchbox."
Posts: 8,018
|
Post by VikingHumpingWitch on Jan 21, 2009 14:53:39 GMT
Aaaaaaaargh still not getting it. Unless I am getting it, in which case your point is spetactularly daft. I'd pretty much say the only universally agreed on boundaries are don't poke a close relative (and in some places a cousin is a close relative and in others not) or a kid (and in some places a kid is 16 and in others 12). So everything else is ok, as long as you're ok with it?
|
|
dwad
New Member
Posts: 1,146
|
Post by dwad on Jan 21, 2009 14:54:34 GMT
No, that is emphatically not what I have said at any point. I have said that desire first and alone is not the best reason for sex in any circumstances. Including first dates. That there are universal and individual boundaries that should come first, then desire second or third and sometimes your reason or the reason of the state should come before your desire.Ah but you see that IS what you're saying, dwad .Take away all the frilly words and thats what it boils down to you as saying." Dont have sex on a first date because it could lead to whatever and the whatever it leads to could be morally wrong " Therefore sex on a first date is wrong Have sex on a first date, I don't care, I really don't. It is not the point I am making at all. No frilly language no nothing. What I am saying is that if you set yourself a standard not to before the date (for whatever reason) then don't do it at the date based on desire. Endlessly trying to fulfill desire over reason is not fulfilling, particularly if your desire is at odds with the rest of your life. All desire is not good. Desire can be bad. |
|
dwad
New Member
Posts: 1,146
|
Post by dwad on Jan 21, 2009 14:56:12 GMT
Aaaaaaaargh still not getting it. Unless I am getting it, in which case your point is spetactularly daft. I'd pretty much say the only universally agreed on boundaries are don't poke a close relative (and in some places a cousin is a close relative and in others not) or a kid (and in some places a kid is 16 and in others 12). So everything else is ok, as long as you're ok with it? Yes, but the acid test should not be do I want it? It should be is this okay within my pre-determined boundaries. Then do I want it. Desire is secondary. |
|
VikingHumpingWitch
New Member
"My philosophy in life is keep dry and keep away from children. I got it from a matchbox."
Posts: 8,018
|
Post by VikingHumpingWitch on Jan 21, 2009 15:00:07 GMT
Yes, but the acid test should not be do I want it? It should be is this okay within my pre-determined boundaries. Then do I want it. Desire is secondary. EH?! Isn't that exactly how everybody thinks? Is it ok with me if he shoves that thing up my arse, yes or no - if it's not ok within your pre-defined boundaries you'll say no. You're not likely to suddenly think hell why not if you've got zero desire to have a kitchen roll holder inserted in your back end. Desire and your personal boundaries go hand in hand, that which is outside your personal boundaries you don't desire. |
|
mids
New Member
Posts: 61,026
|
Post by mids on Jan 21, 2009 15:02:12 GMT
What a rubbish discussion. Be funnier.
|
|
feral
New Member
Posts: 8,237
|
Post by feral on Jan 21, 2009 15:04:22 GMT
It should be is this okay within my pre-determined boundaries.
Boundaries that only YOU should set because you want to .Therefore making desire not secondary but primary
|
|
feral
New Member
Posts: 8,237
|
Post by feral on Jan 21, 2009 15:05:05 GMT
Or what VHW said .
|
|
dwad
New Member
Posts: 1,146
|
Post by dwad on Jan 21, 2009 15:06:53 GMT
Desire and your personal boundaries go hand in hand, that which is outside your personal boundaries you don't desire.
This where our paths diverge. You see largely, you subliminally do apply boundaries first in all situations, but then equate boudaries and desire. In sex alone is desire king.
So, for example, if my boss annoys me and I get the urge to pound him I hold back falling on the wider issues that overcome my desire. Likewise, if I want chocloate but don't want to be a fat bastard my long term goal will override my momentary desire. I do not think desire and boundaries do go hand in hand. There are things I desire which I do not act on in every part of my life. Deisre in sex should be temepered like any other area of your life.
I suppose you could say that my boundaries are determined by longer term desires and I guess that's true, but I think there are situations where my short term and long term ones clash and I should uphold my long term ones over the impulsive ones.
|
|
dwad
New Member
Posts: 1,146
|
Post by dwad on Jan 21, 2009 15:09:23 GMT
It should be is this okay within my pre-determined boundaries. Boundaries that only YOU should set because you want to .Therefore making desire not secondary but primary I thought you'd gone to feel up some 8 year old? (Sorry, that was for Mids) |
|
feral
New Member
Posts: 8,237
|
Post by feral on Jan 21, 2009 15:20:30 GMT
It may surprise you to learn ,dwad ,that there are quite a number of things I find highly distasteful .For a variety of,often differing, reasons .I would never go so far as to say that me finding something highly distasteful makes it a universal wrong however
|
|
VikingHumpingWitch
New Member
"My philosophy in life is keep dry and keep away from children. I got it from a matchbox."
Posts: 8,018
|
Post by VikingHumpingWitch on Jan 21, 2009 15:23:35 GMT
Desire and your personal boundaries go hand in hand, that which is outside your personal boundaries you don't desire. This where our paths diverge. You see largely, you subliminally do apply boundaries first in all situations, but then equate boudaries and desire. In sex alone is desire king. At this risk of playing what you'll probably think is a cheap shot, I think your lack of personal experience in this matter is showing. Of course my boundaries and my desires are equated - very simply, the things which I consider out of bounds are non-negotiable because I do not desire them. This isn't unique to me, either. People will do or put up with a certain amount in the interests of pleasing their partner, but the only people who do things outside their own boundaries to please their partner are people with terrible self-worth issues. What I mean is, you don't get a situation where someone suddenly goes from being vehemently anti a thing to leaping on it with open legs because of "desire" or "heat of the moment". If it's outside your boundaries you don't want it, simple as that. |
|
feral
New Member
Posts: 8,237
|
Post by feral on Jan 21, 2009 15:25:41 GMT
If it's outside your boundaries you don't want it, simple as that. That's it in a nutshell |
|
|
|
Post by Tissue on Jan 21, 2009 15:27:38 GMT
Do you know what your boundaries are until you've tried?
|
|
VikingHumpingWitch
New Member
"My philosophy in life is keep dry and keep away from children. I got it from a matchbox."
Posts: 8,018
|
Post by VikingHumpingWitch on Jan 21, 2009 15:33:01 GMT
Do you know what your boundaries are until you've tried? Good question. Boundaries can change over time anyway. I have two categories: Nope, no way, never, not a fcuking chance in hell, sorry but no and Hmm well if you can persuade me I'll give it a go but you're going to have to try very, very hard. First category is things I just know I will never ever want - my father, children, being murdered during sex, or pooed on, for instance. Not tried any of them but I know I don't want to ever. |
|
|
|
Post by Tissue on Jan 21, 2009 15:35:09 GMT
I like those categories!!
Mine are No, maybe, after a few more beers and how much??
|
|
yord
New Member
Posts: 14,352
|
Post by yord on Jan 21, 2009 15:52:11 GMT
There are things I desire which I do not act on in every part of my life. Deisre in sex should be temepered like any other area of your life.
Im dying to know what you do do in desire , flower arranging ?
|
|
