No Sex On First Date?!

[sweet soul]

see u in the vd clinic ; )

[dwad]

Just because I know you love my take on this, I turned down one night stands quite a few times and was a virgin on my wedding night. One of the best and hardest things I have ever done in my life (in all senses). So was my missus, and neither of us regret it for one iota of a second.

[sweet soul]

aw dwad, thats so sweet, love that : )

[VikingHumpingWitch]

Well, you have to remember VHW was born to parents who were determined that their child would never be hung up about sex. I don't know whether they now regret this, although in point of fact despite my slapperish attitudes I really haven't been much of a slapper at any point.

I'd certainly rather have my attitude than one which says I have to spend however many dates discussing sex before I feel brave enough to give it a go.

[dwad]

Jan 21, 2009 10:01:21 GMT VikingHumpingWitch said:

Well, you have to remember VHW was born to parents who were determined that their child would never be hung up about sex. I don't know whether they now regret this, although in point of fact despite my slapperish attitudes I really haven't been much of a slapper at any point.

I'd certainly rather have my attitude than one which says I have to spend however many dates discussing sex before I feel brave enough to give it a go.

I don't think not having sex has anything to do with being "hung up" as such. I think maybe people have a bit too much of a "whatever you feel like" attitude with no boundaries where as with any game, boundaries actuallt enhance the fun.

[yord]

"One of the best and hardest things I have ever done in my life"

and one of the most foolish. Wha would happen if your wife didnt enjoy sex ? or you didnt ?

[sweet soul]

i didnt have sex on a first date, and i always got a second date ....maybe cos im just a nice person and good company : )

who spends dates discussing sex too?

not me.

[VikingHumpingWitch]

Jan 21, 2009 10:03:57 GMT dwad said:

I don't think not having sex has anything to do with being "hung up" as such.

Oh, I do. I guess you kissed your wife pre-marriage and such, why stop at sex if it's not a hang up about sex? Why not say no touching at all before marriage?

IMHO everything we do, everything, ultimately boils down to sex and our desire to have it. Might as well acknowledge it and get on with it rather than wander round frustrated and carping (as I at least am wont to do when not getting enough).

[dwad]

Oh, I do. I guess you kissed your wife pre-marriage and such, why stop at sex if it's not a hang up about sex? Why not say no touching at all before marriage?

For some people I think that could be a good option. I don't think it makes them hung up they just have different boundaries from me whatever their reason. You can be rational about sex. There are all sorts of factors around emotional ties, pregnancy and contraception, disease, past/future partners that can rationally determine whether or not you think sex is a good idea in any given situation. They extend well beyond hang ups and what feels good.

IMHO everything we do, everything, ultimately boils down to sex and our desire to have it. Might as well acknowledge it and get on with it rather than wander round frustrated and carping (as I at least am wont to do when not getting enough)

Thank you Sigmund. Now tell me about your mother and penis envy. I think this is hugely simplistic. I didn't choose porridge this morning for breakfast on that count to take an arbitrary example.

[sweet soul]

ppl who jusmp into bed on a first date must be scared they wont get a second one unless they do it : )

[VikingHumpingWitch]

OK, so your boundary is set at sex - that's your hang up on sex. Someone else, a 14 year old girl or something, might set hers at kissing (no touching), that's her hang up on having her bits fiddled with. I have a friend who spend ten years cheerfully getting laid with various friends on intermittent bases but was absolutely incapable of committing to anything resembling a relationship - that was her hangup. She's over it now and in a charmingly happy relationship. We don't all have the same hangups and we don't all keep the same ones all our lives. They're still hangups at the time though.

"There are all sorts of factors around emotional ties, pregnancy and contraception, disease, past/future partners that can rationally determine whether or not you think sex is a good idea in any given situation."

I really think you overplay this card. Lots of people have had lots of sex and not been disease riddled, pregnant or emotionally destroyed as a result. Most, in fact almost all.

I don't think my mother has penis envy, but I'll ask her. And you almost certainly chose porridge because it's a relatively healthy option that will make you physically fitter and therefore more desirable for sex. You just don't realise it.

[dwad]

Jan 21, 2009 10:04:45 GMT yord said:

"One of the best and hardest things I have ever done in my life"

and one of the most foolish. Wha would happen if your wife didnt enjoy sex ? or you didnt ?

I think we had a reasonable idea that we would, but we took a gamble on the basis that our marriage would be about more than sex anyway and I think if you take that attitude the sex will probably work itself out anyway.

I do know a couple who had the problem you describe, but in reality many friends told them no to get married before they did anyway.

[yord]

"There are all sorts of factors around emotional ties, pregnancy and contraception, disease, past/future partners that can rationally determine whether or not you think sex is a good idea in any given situation"

If that crap is right then why have you limited yourself to the experience of only other ?

[yord]

If that poo is right then why have you limited yourself to the experience of only one other ?

it is the equivilent of saying strawberries are that nice Ive no reason to try other food

[sweet soul]

ppl who jump into bed on a first date, ( vhw ) must be scared they wont get a second date unless they have sex with the guy ; ))

[Deleted]

ppl who jusmp into bed on a first date must be scared they wont get a second one unless they do it : )



No, they jump into bed because they are feeling horny!
I doubt the next time would be on their minds.

[yord]

god almighty

[sweet soul]

nah its cos they are desperate and think its there only chance of getting a guy : )

[VikingHumpingWitch]

"it is the equivilent of saying strawberries are that nice Ive no reason to try other food"

Not sure I agree with this. If a friend of mine told me they were saving sex until marriage I would tell them they are barking bloody mad, but if it's what people want to do then it's right for them, and it has obviously worked out well for Dwad and Mrs Dwad. Wanting to keep something back for someone who is really special, whether it's sex at all or anal or saying I love you or moving in together or whatever, is an emotional thing and you can't really compare it to eating.

[sweet soul]

they are not confident enuff to wait till they get to know the guys name even