No Sex On First Date?!

[dwad]

OK, so your boundary is set at sex - that's your hang up on sex. Someone else, a 14 year old girl or something, might set hers at kissing (no touching), that's her hang up on having her bits fiddled with. I have a friend who spend ten years cheerfully getting laid with various friends on intermittent bases but was absolutely incapable of committing to anything resembling a relationship - that was her hangup. She's over it now and in a charmingly happy relationship. We don't all have the same hangups and we don't all keep the same ones all our lives. They're still hangups at the time though.

You describe a number of scenarios that are indeed hang-ups but that doesn't mean you can't make a reasoned choice. I don't think it's a hang up to set boundaries based on your own reasoned decisions.

I really think you overplay this card. Lots of people have had lots of sex and not been disease riddled, pregnant or emotionally destroyed as a result. Most, in fact almost all.

Sure, but it's a trade off I've made and I'm really happy I did. I have never worried or been tested for an STD. I have never worried about pregnancy. I have never had a particularly serious break up. I have never experienced problems with mine or my wife's exes. I never had any expectation of sex with her. We never had to discuss our "number". I have absolutely no baggage in that department, which isn't just good for me but great for her too. And even if we're both crap in bed we don't even know it and can learn together. It's just really positive. The trade off was that I may have missed out on some good sex on the way to that point but frankly I got married at 22 and most of my friends were having crap furtive sex for most of their teenage years, much of which they don't really look back on too fondly anyway.

And you almost certainly chose porridge because it's a relatively healthy option that will make you physically fitter and therefore more desirable for sex. You just don't realise it.

Actually I did it because it was that or Bran Flakes and I was cold. I just think people can be driven by things other than sex. Greed for example.

[Deleted]

It takes two SS, you're talking as if it's only women that want sex on the first date.

[yord]

"is an emotional thing and you can't really compare it to eating."

You need comparrisons for everything you do otherwise you would never know only presume

[sweet soul]

well yea they must want it if they have it, its simply cos they are scared they wont get a second date

[yord]

who the feck would ever want a second date with you

[dwad]

Jan 21, 2009 10:25:24 GMT yord said:

If that poo is right then why have you limited yourself to the experience of only one other ?

it is the equivilent of saying strawberries are that nice Ive no reason to try other food

I can't really see that they're at all comparable actually.

[yord]

possibly dwad

[yord]

"I can't really see that they're at all comparable actually."

I know you cant , thats the problem with your thinking , its limiting

[dwad]

Jan 21, 2009 10:38:06 GMT yord said:

"I can't really see that they're at all comparable actually."

I know you cant , thats the problem with your thinking , its limiting

No I just find that a woman is not the same thing as a banana.

[VikingHumpingWitch]

Jan 21, 2009 10:32:22 GMT dwad said:

You describe a number of scenarios that are indeed hang-ups but that doesn't mean you can't make a reasoned choice. I don't think it's a hang up to set boundaries based on your own reasoned decisions.

Sure, but it's a trade off I've made and I'm really happy I did. I have never worried or been tested for an STD. I have never worried about pregnancy. I have never had a particularly serious break up. I have never experienced problems with mine or my wife's exes. I never had any expectation of sex with her. We never had to discuss our "number". I have absolutely no baggage in that department, which isn't just good for me but great for her too. And even if we're both poo in bed we don't even know it and can learn together. It's just really positive. The trade off was that I may have missed out on some good sex on the way to that point but frankly I got married at 22 and most of my friends were having poo furtive sex for most of their teenage years, much of which they don't really look back on too fondly anyway.

Actually I did it because it was that or Bran Flakes and I was cold. I just think people can be driven by things other than sex. Greed for example.

This quoting lark seems to require far too much work on my part.

It's not a hangup to set boundaries based on reasoned deductions etc. I just think most people in the UK regard sex as a bit taboo, despite the 60s, and that's where the boundary is automatically set. This thread is testimony to it FFS, why are we still talking about sex on a first date in terms that clearly differentiate between acceptability in men and women? In Sweden sex is something you do because it's fun, like drinking - ideally not to excess but without feeling ashamed of it. It is obviously a cultural thing.

Your reasons for not shagging yourself silly in your youth are all fine, personally the minor background worry about pregnancy/disease (because I'm a safe sex girlie) was well worth it in exchange for sex, for you it wasn't. That's fine with me, people are different.

Greed boils down to sex, defo. You want more Stuff because it will enhance your appeal to the opposite sex. And look at yourself - bran flakes or porridge? If you said you'd scoffed a full English I might grant you it was not sex related but anyone with healthy eating options only is clearly gagging to unleash their sexuality.

[sweet soul]

who the feck would ever want a second date with you - yord


everyone whos had a first one ; )

[yord]

" It is obviously a cultural thing."

Very much so

[yord]

"everyone whos had a first one ; ) "

Really ? all of them or are you just hitting on the dopes that know no different

[sweet soul]

LOL!!!

[sweet soul]

i dont date dopes

[dwad]

This quoting lark seems to require far too much work on my part.

I'm resorting to italics again.

It's not a hangup to set boundaries based on reasoned deductions etc. I just think most people in the UK regard sex as a bit taboo, despite the 60s, and that's where the boundary is automatically set. This thread is testimony to it FFS, why are we still talking about sex on a first date in terms that clearly differentiate between acceptability in men and women?

From I which I think we should deduce that actually it tends to be the frigid religious types that have fewest hang-ups and all you free-wheelers are working through your issues.


Your reasons for not shagging yourself silly in your youth are all fine, personally the minor background worry about pregnancy/disease (because I'm a safe sex girlie) was well worth it in exchange for sex, for you it wasn't. That's fine with me, people are different.

I would add that although I go on about prregnancy and disease, I do that mostly as a tangable mutual cultural reference. The main reason I didn't was because of emotional ties that I thought I would make with people I had sex with and didn't want to build those ties without really committing to them. Bit gayer and less tangable.

Greed boils down to sex, defo. You want more Stuff because it will enhance your appeal to the opposite sex. And look at yourself - bran flakes or porridge? If you said you'd scoffed a full English I might grant you it was not sex related but anyone with healthy eating options only is clearly gagging to unleash their sexuality

So if you were asexual, what would be your reason for living?

[yord]

"The main reason I didn't was because of emotional ties that I thought I would make with people I had sex with and didn't want to build those ties without really committing to them"

LMAO I cant believe you ever found the time to drag yourself from the mirror to actualy feck anyone

[yord]

ohhhhhhhh you didnt did you , except for the equaly blinkered partner

[VikingHumpingWitch]

Jan 21, 2009 10:46:17 GMT dwad said:

From I which I think we should deduce that actually it tends to be the frigid religious types that have fewest hang-ups and all you free-wheelers are working through your issues.

I would add that although I go on about prregnancy and disease, I do that mostly as a tangable mutual cultural reference. The main reason I didn't was because of emotional ties that I thought I would make with people I had sex with and didn't want to build those ties without really committing to them. Bit gayer and less tangable.

So if you were asexual, what would be your reason for living?

Do I really have to fanny about writing quote all over the place just to split this up? Sod, lark, that, a, for.

1. Eh? You'll have to explain that to me cos it makee no sense at all. Type slowly.

2. Fine, again your reasons are yours and cannot therefore be anything other than good, unless you secretly regret your missed chances and I believe you when you say you don't. I bloody would, but like I said, people are different.

3. Cheese, probably.

[yord]

Go on dwad , get yourself a w.hore , you know you want to lol