Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2018 7:55:30 GMT
I say I say I say! My Dog ain't got no Nose! Your dog ain't got no nose? |
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Post by wetkingcanute on Sept 4, 2018 9:48:50 GMT
go on ask me....how does it smell?
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mids
New Member
Posts: 60,988
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Post by mids on Sept 4, 2018 10:40:35 GMT
What kind of dog is it?
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Post by wetkingcanute on Sept 4, 2018 10:50:02 GMT
The kind without a nose.
"Does this bus stop at the embankment?
"We all hope so Sir!"
"Is this the Tooting Bus?"
"Only when the driver's angry Sir!"
"My Dog ain't got no nose!"
"How does he smell?"
"Something Awful!"
"My dog don't eat no meat"
"Why not?"
"I don't give 'im any!"
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Post by wetkingcanute on Sept 4, 2018 13:27:57 GMT
Einstein's girlfriend says to him "Albert I just need two things from you - Space and Time."
Albert says "OK and what's the second one?"
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2018 6:40:57 GMT
I asked my dog how he felt, and he said 'rough'.
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Post by Minge är en jävla besserwisser on Sept 5, 2018 9:32:45 GMT
Viagra won't make you James Bond but it will make you Roger Moore.
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voice
New Member
Goals are a form of self inflicted slavery
Posts: 41,220
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Post by voice on Jun 25, 2019 17:56:33 GMT
Thought this was better than average  |
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Post by perrykneeham on Jun 25, 2019 18:18:08 GMT
Thought this was better than average Better than your average, yeah. |
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Post by Marshall on Jun 25, 2019 18:26:49 GMT
A mother was taking her daughter to school one day, driving down a bumpy road behind a pickup truck.
As the truck hit a bump, a dildo flew out of its bed and bounced off the windshield of their car.
"What the heck was that?" the daughter asked.
Embarrassed, her mom said, "I think it was some kind of a bug."
"It sure had a big dick," the daughter replied.
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yord
New Member
Posts: 14,350 
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Post by yord on Jun 25, 2019 20:10:57 GMT
 " Daddy wot will I be when I grow up "  " Disappointed son "
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Post by Marshall on Jul 26, 2019 17:55:36 GMT
A holocaust survivor lives a long life then dies and goes to heaven.
Upon meeting God, he tells him a holocaust joke.
God: That wasn't funny.
Survivor: I guess you had to be there.
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Post by Repat Van on Jul 27, 2019 3:36:40 GMT
Thought this was better than average ?? |
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voice
New Member
Goals are a form of self inflicted slavery
Posts: 41,220
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Post by voice on Aug 18, 2019 15:56:38 GMT
A group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
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Post by wetkingcanute on Aug 19, 2019 19:31:50 GMT
OH FFS!!!!!
A charity for people with Tourette's syndrome has asked a comedian to apologise for his award-winning joke made at the Edinburgh Fringe festival.
Tourettes Action said it was "so disappointed" by Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel's gag, which won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" prize.
It said the fact the public voted for the joke showed "how we as a nation deal with people who are different".
A comedian said she was "tired" of her condition being used as a punchline.
Falafel won the award with the gag: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
TV channel Dave asked panellists - comprising the UK's leading comedy critics - to submit their six favourite jokes made at the festival.
It then put the shortlist to 2,000 members of the public, 41% of whom voted for Falafel's joke.
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Post by hammerhead on Aug 19, 2019 20:13:18 GMT
Out of interest WKC, did you think that was a good joke? I mean as a pun, not as in whether it was offensive or not.
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Post by wetkingcanute on Aug 19, 2019 20:25:04 GMT
Yeah - good point - I did laugh but it's not a great one.
He also said that jokes about white sugar are rare but brown sugar - Demerara!
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Post by perrykneeham on Aug 19, 2019 20:39:31 GMT
I agree it was a pretty weak joke and nearly all of the top 10 were fairly puerile puns in the style of Tim Vine. All a bit derivative and bland.
As for the dong from the Turrettes crowd. Flipping heck!
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Post by perrykneeham on Aug 19, 2019 20:40:52 GMT
I sometimes yearn for a good, old fashioned, filthy joke. Preferably involving a minority.
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Post by hammerhead on Aug 19, 2019 20:42:22 GMT
That was a better one! Demerara, love it.
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